Day 2, of finding the right thing to do.
Missing someone sucks. It really does suck a lot. Especially if you think you did everything wrong and everything is your fault, even though it isn’t. I think it’s never someones very own fault.
My girlfriend always told me to talk more. About my day, about my feelings, about what happens in my life. I kind of never did. She drew back more and more. There was no more nearness at all. She even did not put her arms around me, when I hugged her. That’s very hurtful. And I guess, that’s why I didn’t open up more. Doom loop. But still today, I thought everything was my fault. Because if I would have talked more, she would have never backed away this far.
I had the idea, about doing a paper chase for her. Putting a piece of paper on her car, telling her, where to go next. Directing her to some places we have been together, which are important, and then end up at the lake, where I am waiting for her, with a lot to tell her. I apologize, she does. And we live happily ever after. Just like a Hollywood movie.
Then I remembered, really bad thing which had happen in our relationship. It sucked. I felt awful.
But then I had great memories again. A back and forth of feelings and emotions.
I’ve put on her t-shirt to sleep yesterday. It smelled like her. I had to take it off again, because I didn’t want the smell to be gone. I love the way she smells. I told her this often.
Surprisingly I didn’t wake up once last night. I only slept till 7:30 but that’s fine. I did look to my right, if she was still asleep, realizing that she isn’t there anymore, though…